It`s Chilly eating Chillies in Chile with Chulie. Chill eh?

So, winter´s setting in here in Chilé. A time to find a cosy place to stay. A place boasting a roaring log fire and luxuriant fluffy rugs. A place to spend our days supping brandy, wearing cosy slippers and reading Mills and Boon novels as large snowflakes drift to earth forming a luscious, thick white blanket.

So, what do we go and do? Gaily head off on a mission to find the most out-of-the-way, off-the-grid, heat-deficient accommodations in the country:

Ejamplo numero uno - Forgoing the cosy, touristic comforts of Pucon in the North of the Chilean Lake District, we jump on a bus towards Parque Nacional Huerquehue (a chocolate teapot to anyone who can pronounce this word properly). Bus proceeds to get stuck in the ice, leaving us (and the other women, children and llamas) to continue the journey on foot. 9k later we arrive at a remote refugio who haven´t seen a tourist for months and where all the water supplies are frozen. Nonetheless, we enjoyed a couple of magical days yomping about in waist-high snow (or jowl-high if you´re Jools) and feasting on whole cows for dinner.

Ejamplo numero dos - Tracing the spine of the Andes further south, again we chose to bypass the inviting, centrally heated hostels in Puerto Varas. Our destination-the minuscule, one-dog town of Petrohue, on the western shores of Lago Todos los Santos (allegedly the most beautiful lake in Chile(when it´s visible through the storm-force wind, snow and rain)). The initially heaving minibus slowly emptied, until only ourselves and one wee wizened old man(70-90) remained. In the gathering gloom, we pulled up at Petrohue. Lacking any other options we blindly agreed to follow said wizened character down a scree slope to the banks of a river and a sorry looking rowboat. After 5 minutes of bailing-out, we´re duly chauffeured across to the coldest, darkest little farmhouse in the world. Again though, it all turned out good, if somewhat baltic - 2 days of eating tasty, freshly-caught trout and listening to the rain battering down on the fragile tin roof.

Cribbage Update: Jools 29 Kev 24

Spanish Update: Un poco conocimiento es una cosa peligrosa. Do not ask for "un botella de vino tonto" in a restaurant. Whilst you may be wanting a bottle of red wine you have however just asked for a bottle of stupid wine. Also, do not confuse the words ojos and oyos. You may be wishing to say how so-and-so has lovely brown eyes but actually end up communicating that said so-and-so has a lovely brown ...ahem... hole. One of my personal favourites was a conversation about profiteroles (typical subject matter in Latin America) where it transpired I was talking about chocolate breasts. "Tetas chocolate" for anyone in need of a good conversation starter in Spanish!

Ahora para Chilé

Dos vacas locos entran un bar. La primero vaca dice a la vaca segundo :
"Tu estas preocupas a la enfermedad de las vacas locos?"
La segundo vaca dice a la primero vaca:
"No, yo no estoy preocupo, yo soy un pollo"
Translation: We flew to Chile where we went to Spanish School for 2 weeks and learnt lots of useful words and stuff

Para Nos primera semana en Santiago vivimos en una hostal muy muy frio cerca La Plaza De Italia - un lugar muy caótico y ruidoso con muchos autos. Comemos mucha pan y hablamos a un hombre con una barba gris - se llama es Charlie. Estamos borracho y comiendo salchichas uno noche. Para la segunda semana vivimos con una mujer vieja Chileana quien se gusta hablar super rapido usando muchas palabras grandes que no conocemos. Me duele la cabeza. Ella es una cocinera buena y es muy simpatico, pero ella lanza mi toalla (solamente y favorito) fuera la ventana y un gato la come. Buf, excremento.
Translation: We lived in Santiago.



Santiago es un ciudad super gigantesco con mas que cinco milliones personas y tambien cinco milliones perros locos corriendo y poniendo excremento todo los lugares. Es un ciudad bastante agradable pero no muy interesante. Cuando no son nublados o polución tu ves los Andes. Hay mucho polución casi siempre. El mercado de pescado es excelente. Los hombres de pescado son amistosos y reímos a bagpipes y haggis peludo.
Translation: It´s an OK place.



Nos gusta ir a la escuela todo las dias. Hacemos muchos amigos nuevos, por ejemplo David de Suisa, Lynda de Estados Unidos y Louise de Neuva Zelandia. Los profesoras son muy simpaticos y amistosos y pacientes. Pienso ellos beben mucho vino para almuerzo. Todo las mañanas Jools pone una manzana en la mesa del profesor. Ella gusta lamer el culo. Una dia el techo cae abajo porque hay mucha mucha mucha lluvia - esta muy cómico, hahahaha. La vida es dura.
Translation: Yeah!

Actualización de Cribbage: Solamente uno juego en Santiago. Joolso 26 Kevo 22

Translation: Is this the beginning of a magnificent comeback? Probablemente not but watch this space anyway.

Tramps of the North

Back home we call it hiking; Heaven knows what the Russians and Mongolians say (vodka-ing perhaps?); The Chinese like to take a wok; In Nepal it´s known as trekking; Aussies refer to it as bushwalking; But here in New Zealand it´s known as tramping. Quite appropriate really as we´d (well I´d) been cultivating and heartily embracing the "tramp" look for a good couple of months, and was possibly at my peak of trampiness when we undertook the undoubted highlight of our brief flirtation with North Island - a 4 day tramp round the Tongariro Northern Circuit.

The route weaves its way through stunning, unworldly volcanic lanscapes of craters, old lava flows, jagged rocks, emerald lakes, black sanded deserts, hot and smelly sulphuric springs and glacial valleys. It was something akin to taking a stroll on the moon but minus the zero-gravity effect- which would have come in useful at times. After a long day tramping we would bunk down in one of the luxurious (complete with walls, roof and wooden bunks) and deserted Department of Conservation huts, before heading out possum hunting to supplement our drab pasta dinners.

We suffered the grave misfortune on day two of mistiming our departure to coincide perfectly with the busloads of head-nipping daytrippers who are shipped in every morning (as long as it´s not raining or too cold for their sensitive little tootsies) to walk the one-day Tongariro Crossing. To escape the mindnumbing kilometre-long procession of posh birds from London(no offence to any posh birds from London) we climbed an active volcano - Mount Ngauruhoe - and sat perched atop its smoke spewing summit on some hot rocks, eating pepperoni, chocolate, jelly, concentrated lemonjuice and dog biscuits.

Should also briefly mention how we spent the rest of our time on North Island:

We basically just scoured remote peninsulas in search of ideal locations to dress up as diddy men and drink much beer and wine whilst floating through geothermally active, gloworm-filled caves in a big rubber rings with a fat, friendly sheep named Polly for company.

Cribbage Update: Jools is a temperamental wee thing and gets really upset if she doesn´t win more often than she loses. I´m not suggesting that I´m not trying 100% or anything, just pointing out that there may be confounding factors. Jools 26 Kev 21. Anyway, we all know that the only title that really matters and the event we´ve been building up to all year is the best of 1 backgammon championships held every 29th of May 2007 in the remote village of Kohukohu:

Backgammon Update and Final Result: Kev 1 Jools 0